Digital Music Front

Archive for the ‘Misc’ Category

I’m going to state the obvious.  If you drive a 4wd, it’s pretty likely you’re a cock.  OK, I understand some people have need for it, going off road, towing rediculous floats/vans/boats etc., but from what I can tell, most 4wd owners don’t do this (or have regular sized floats/vans/boats that can easily be towed by a normal person car).

Again, to state the bleedin’ obvious, if you drive a Porsche, there’s a pretty good chance you’re a cock.  This rule obviously doesn’t apply if you have a GT3 or something, and you take it out to a race track (or isolated country road ) for a good thrashing from time to time.  But most people don’t own these, most people own Boxsters, the poor man’s Porsche.  Seriously folks, if you’re buying at the lower level of a luxury brand, you must be aware that a big chunk of your cash is going in to a badge made prestigious by the upper levels.  This goes for the A class merc, or the ultimate CockMobile, the BMW 3 series.

Then, however, there are people who buy this:

My Penis, So Very Very Small

Nothing screams out “I’M AN INSECURE WANKER WITH A SMALL PENIS” like a GOLD PORSCHE FOUR WHEEL DRIVE. Yes, I know it’s the worlds fastest 4WD, but it’s also one of the worlds most unreliable, expensive to repair, worst handling and uncomfortable 4WD’s…  The perfect thing for a man with a small penis.  He gets his occasional rush that he lacks from being able to satisfy a partner, and in return it is constantly making him aware of it’s presence and requires constant maintenance and care.  Just like a penis.

Why would you drive one of these?  Oh yes, because it means your THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON IN THE UNIVERSE and that you don’t have to look out for things like, oh, say A PUSHBIKE COMING DOWN THE INSIDE LANE OF THE ROAD WHEN YOU PULL IN TO A DRIVEWAY.

In other news, I’m currently off work sick with a concussion.  I also have some minor abrasions and pretty bad bruising to both legs and my shoulder.  This has given me a good opportunity to catch up on some sleep, some XboX and hopefully today, some Uni work (we’ll see how I feel at midday).   At first it wasn’t too bad, but it’s been getting progressively worse as the days wear on.  The worst thing, however, was that I had to go to a doctor who wasn’t mine (couldn’t get in to see mine).  I have issues with other doctors.  It feels like cheating on your spouse.  Nervous going in to it, feeling guilty during it, and it ends up being ultimately unsatisfying because they don’t know your body.  I also had to get a refill of my valium script.  He asked what I take it for, and I said I get mild, infrequent panic attacks when I’m in large crowds or stressful situations.  His sollution?  “Don’t get the valium, even though it really works, even to the point where often the panic attack will subside just by knowing it’s in your bag, try ZOLOFT!”.  This immediately followed the conversation where the words “I’ll never go back on Zoloft, it was horrible when I was on it, and it was almost impossible to get off it; it didn’t work and it made me worse” were mentioned.  Apparently, the best sollution to a panic attack every few months is to take a drug that will leave me emotionally anethitised ALL THE FREAKING TIME.  “But it makes you not care about the little things”.  Yeah, but when the little things are things like “getting out of bed in the morning”, not caring about the little things can have major impacts on your life.

So the moral to this story?  Don’t cheat on your parnter, and if you drive a Porsche Cayenne or a BMW X5, I want to punch you in the face.

P.S:  Yes, I’m hurt, but not as hurt as that mans penis.

Ahoy there intertubes!

SackTheDJ has told me to pull out my finger and put up a post for all the folks out there in internet lands!

Hi Mum!

People often ask me, who are you? To this I generally answer with some philosophical waxing of the lyrical, about existence, being and the big questions, put to the rhythm of “Baby Got Back” by Sir Mixalot. Then they reply, “Seriously, if you don’t tell me who you are, why you’re in my house, and most importantly, why you don’t have any pants on, I’m going to call the Police.” One thing about the random interruption of someones night time meal with your presence sans pants, if you start off crazy, the police will generally let you off with a trip to the doctor as opposed to registration on the sex offenders list.

But seriously, or, as they say on the dudeosphere; “srsly”. What is this all about? Well, SackTheDJ has said that it’s step 23 in our plan to take over the universe. I don’t need to know any more. I am, what they call in the industry, “The Talent”. And of course by “Talent” I mean 3000 ancient Syrian Shekels. I am phat. With an F. But this is supposed to be about the music.

In terms of the music, I’m working on a few different songs at the moment; well, largely working on some riffs and sounds that can be made in to songs at a later date. It’s quite nice finally living somewhere where my guitars don’t have to live in a wardrobe, I was getting a bit sick of those kids coming in from Narnia and fucking with my tuning. Now it’s turn on and away we go; something I think my new neighbours are going to learn to love (otherwise they may find themselves in a world of suck). Hopefully in the next fortnite I’ll have the computer set up so I can start laying some of this stuff down so I can send it off to SackTheDJ for some mixing and remixing and wickawah.

But of course, we all know it’s not about the music; life as the Rockstar Philosopher is all about Sex, Drugs and Talking Crap. Thankfully, I have been talking enough crap of late to make up for the lack of sex and drugs.

I may post again.

So yesterday was a pretty signifigant day for me as a producer, yesterday I made my first sale.

ok its a shocking photo, but evidence is evidence

As if that wasn’t cool enough, the tracks were sold to ishotmyself.com as soundtracks to video clips, making me a paid contributor to the erotica industry. It’s not a lot of money, but its worth a fortune in cool points. The best bit is they even asked for more.