Digital Music Front

So I’ve been having a bit of musicians block recently, a real mental hurdle I haven’t been able to get over. Having finally settled into my new place after the recent move, I have been meaning to sit down and get stuck into working on some new tracks, finishing off some old ones, but for some reason I keep putting it off. I’m finding any reason I can to do something else. At first I couldn’t figure out why, I mean I really want to make music, why is it such a daunting thing to actually get down to?

After a while I figured out a couple of things. Firstly, as a person without much musical talent or inspiration, making music to me feels a lot like hard work. Its rewarding sure, but its not like RSP just picking up his guitar and having a strum and seeing what comes out. For me its sitting at the computer and blundering around blindly thru different instruments and presets til I stumble across something I like the sound of then trying to make something out of it, and when I do, then I have to really think, really use my head. There’s no creative force desperately trying to get out from within me driving me to express myself musically, its a process of mental construction. Like I’ve said before – I’m not a musician, I’m a music engineer.

But secondly, and perhaps more importantly, I realised I was scared shitless of my own incompetence and lack of talent. As much as I dream of being a big shot producer, the motivation to sit down and get to it and take the first steps on the road to maybe one day realising that goal are far over shadowed by the soul crushing terror that I simply am incapable of creating music that is any good.

The first problem, well maybe I can do something about that, because essentially I just need to overcome my own laziness (mind you my laziness is Epic). Once I get into The Zone and I start enjoying myself, thats less of a problem because once I’m having fun it doesn’t feel like work so much. So in a sense, the solution to this issue is at least partly just to keep at it and not let myself get cold.

The second problem however is something I’m not sure I can do much about, purely because I recognise immediately that this fear is not irrational, it is completely legitimate – born from the knowledge that regardless of any knowledge of musical theory which can be learned, I lack that creative inspiration which drives people to express themselves musically. I’m no musician, I’m a computer / sound nerd playing at musician. I am effectively setting out to accomplish something I’m not well suited for to begin with.

So, having come to these realisations, they have lead me to a third – my need to accept the fact that maybe I won’t produce music that is really good, but also that whether I do or not doesn’t really matter. It’s not like I need to make a living this way, I make decent crust doing nerd stuff. The entire excersize then, is entirely for my own benefit really, just something I’m doing because I want to. I don’t have to impress anyone, except perhaps myself (careful, that way lies ruin and suffering).

I guess the point is, I wanted to do this for fun, so I should stop treating it like work.