Digital Music Front

Posts Tagged ‘accident’

I’m going to state the obvious.  If you drive a 4wd, it’s pretty likely you’re a cock.  OK, I understand some people have need for it, going off road, towing rediculous floats/vans/boats etc., but from what I can tell, most 4wd owners don’t do this (or have regular sized floats/vans/boats that can easily be towed by a normal person car).

Again, to state the bleedin’ obvious, if you drive a Porsche, there’s a pretty good chance you’re a cock.  This rule obviously doesn’t apply if you have a GT3 or something, and you take it out to a race track (or isolated country road ) for a good thrashing from time to time.  But most people don’t own these, most people own Boxsters, the poor man’s Porsche.  Seriously folks, if you’re buying at the lower level of a luxury brand, you must be aware that a big chunk of your cash is going in to a badge made prestigious by the upper levels.  This goes for the A class merc, or the ultimate CockMobile, the BMW 3 series.

Then, however, there are people who buy this:

My Penis, So Very Very Small

Nothing screams out “I’M AN INSECURE WANKER WITH A SMALL PENIS” like a GOLD PORSCHE FOUR WHEEL DRIVE. Yes, I know it’s the worlds fastest 4WD, but it’s also one of the worlds most unreliable, expensive to repair, worst handling and uncomfortable 4WD’s…  The perfect thing for a man with a small penis.  He gets his occasional rush that he lacks from being able to satisfy a partner, and in return it is constantly making him aware of it’s presence and requires constant maintenance and care.  Just like a penis.

Why would you drive one of these?  Oh yes, because it means your THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON IN THE UNIVERSE and that you don’t have to look out for things like, oh, say A PUSHBIKE COMING DOWN THE INSIDE LANE OF THE ROAD WHEN YOU PULL IN TO A DRIVEWAY.

In other news, I’m currently off work sick with a concussion.  I also have some minor abrasions and pretty bad bruising to both legs and my shoulder.  This has given me a good opportunity to catch up on some sleep, some XboX and hopefully today, some Uni work (we’ll see how I feel at midday).   At first it wasn’t too bad, but it’s been getting progressively worse as the days wear on.  The worst thing, however, was that I had to go to a doctor who wasn’t mine (couldn’t get in to see mine).  I have issues with other doctors.  It feels like cheating on your spouse.  Nervous going in to it, feeling guilty during it, and it ends up being ultimately unsatisfying because they don’t know your body.  I also had to get a refill of my valium script.  He asked what I take it for, and I said I get mild, infrequent panic attacks when I’m in large crowds or stressful situations.  His sollution?  “Don’t get the valium, even though it really works, even to the point where often the panic attack will subside just by knowing it’s in your bag, try ZOLOFT!”.  This immediately followed the conversation where the words “I’ll never go back on Zoloft, it was horrible when I was on it, and it was almost impossible to get off it; it didn’t work and it made me worse” were mentioned.  Apparently, the best sollution to a panic attack every few months is to take a drug that will leave me emotionally anethitised ALL THE FREAKING TIME.  “But it makes you not care about the little things”.  Yeah, but when the little things are things like “getting out of bed in the morning”, not caring about the little things can have major impacts on your life.

So the moral to this story?  Don’t cheat on your parnter, and if you drive a Porsche Cayenne or a BMW X5, I want to punch you in the face.

P.S:  Yes, I’m hurt, but not as hurt as that mans penis.